I just wanna be myself
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself
And I want you to know, I am my hair
My name is Jessica. I am an artist, storyteller and animator. I take inspiration from street art, nature, architecture and fairy tales. My artistic aesthetic is bold, colourful and full of zeal and vitality. Its eye catching, engaging and fresh. I am so incredibly passionate about expressing myself that it goes beyond the canvas and into my how I dress, and the way I choose to live.
Those who know me will recognise my Blue and Pink hair. It’s part of my brand and how I choose to represent myself. It’s such a playful and distinct way to represent myself and make myself memorable when meeting people. It gives me a lot of joy to express outside, how I feel on the inside.
I’ve always been a tomboy and I’m fit and athletic. When it comes to clothes, l prefer to wear clothes that are comfortable and sporty and choosing what I like from the Male and Female sections, as opposed to being limited in my gender.
From a young age I noticed that some people judge how one looks without really knowing nor understanding the person, especially towards gender stereotypes. On occasions when I dressed up ‘fancy’ I noticed some boys would treat me better because I was pretty yet treat others who weren’t as dolled up badly, and on the other hand that some girls would get jealous towards me and treat me badly. I always wanted to show my worth though my personality and that which I do. Yet, I found this insincerity disturbing. How these people would behave differently towards me, and others, based on whether they thought we were attractive or not. Therefore, I found that dressing in a more casual androgynous way allowed me to get to know people better, and to learn whether we liked each other or not based on our personalities and abilities, without the burdens of attraction or jealousy interfering. Human beings are fascinating creatures.
I feel as though there are contradictions within society. Now more than ever there are more options for online shopping, and greater varieties of clothing designs, and the opportunities to express one’s self through social media. There is a greater push and trend to express one’s self, yet at same time I find that the opposite exists. Stand out, fit in. Look unique but follow the dress code. There’s a fear to keep up impressions, to get more likes online. Then, there’s the fear of being judged for standing out and being the nail that gets hammered down.
It’s such a confusing world for me, and I often find it hard to know where I fit in.
I think a lot of women feel pressure to wear makeup in their lives, and even feel ashamed to go out in public without it. Or they feel pressured to dress up and be sexy and wear uncomfortable shoes.
I like dressing up everyone once in a while, and I like wearing costumes. However, I don’t like that it’s an expectation for some people. This is the face that I was born with. Even if I was ugly, I feel as though I should be able to go out in public with the face that I have, because that’s the way I am.
I like being different, and like the choices that I’ve made for my personal appearance. Yet, I still feel the pressure sometimes. Sometimes I wonder if I get disqualified from job interviews for dressing in a non-conforming way. I don’t know. I get anxious when I think about it. I can’t change myself. I am who I am, and I can’t pretend to be ‘normal’ or like everyone else, because I am not. So much of who I am is driven by the desire and will to change the constrains that exist within society that people assume to be ‘normal’.
I sometimes wonder, what would happen if I dyed my hair black again, or dressed differently? I would still be the same person on the inside, wouldn’t I?
The truth is, I love being who I am, and having the courage to express myself though my own style and artistic creativity. I think it’s a beautiful thing where one is able to be themselves and to be the change they want to see, and to inspire others by showing that it’s Ok for them to be them. What I would truly appreciate the most in the world, is finding a place where I have the freedom to be me.
Writing this reminds me of Lady Gaga’s song: “Hair”, I think it’s a good example of how something so cosmetic as their hair can represent so much of who they are as a person.