I’m making Online courses & an art community

Learn To Draw Banner Rocket Child Jessica McLeod-Yu

Hello everyone,

I’ve been working on some new projects for the last few months and am pleased to share it with you now. I created a new website called Rocket Child Art (http://rocketchildart.com) which I will use to consistently grow my artist brand, while my existing portfolio (https://jessicamcleodyu.wordpress.com) will continue to exist as my personal CV and portfolio page. 

Before I continue, I want to define

“Who is the Rocket Child?” 

In 2011, when I was living in Japan, I decided that I wanted to create my own artist persona whose values matched the person I felt I was inside, and the person I wanted to become, and wrote this poem

Some of the main values and points that stood out to me were/are:

  • Ambition
  • dreamer
  • storyteller
  • curiosity
  • adventure
  • freedom
  • creativity
  • playful
  • starchild alien

Growing up, I spent a lot of time alone and used my imagination to escape the painful realities around me at the time. With time that imaginative escapism revealed itself to be my greatest strength. 

Since that time, I’ve really embraced the Rocket Child personality and want to continue to grow it beyond myself for my artist business and also to build a positive supportive community. 

what did I want when I was growing up?

I thought to myself, what did I really want when I was growing up? I wanted a place where I felt free and that it was safe to be myself. I wanted friends who I could play with; to be creative with and discover new experiences. 

As an adult now, yes I can make this place for myself, but can I do more? Are there other people out there who feel the same as I did and who are looking for a place where they can be free too? And can I make that place?

This thought has been sitting in my mind for a while, and has inspired me to make new and positive changes. On the Rocket Child Art website, I am building the Rocket Child Art community for the Star Chasers who are also dreamers, adventurers and  freedom seekers and to nurture curiosity, creativity and positivity.

For the first step, I am making an online courses to teach beginner artists. – Different courses will feature different mediums, based on my years of experience of both formalised education, and teaching myself different art techniques and methods. 

While this is a new website, the content will continue to grow over time where I will develope more courses and eventually sell custom merchandise such as sketchbooks, art materials packs, and have more participatory features such as live streams. All of this will depend on the direction of how it grows. 

what does selling products have to do with growing an art community? 

You may wonder, what does selling products have to do with growing an art community? In my growing up experience, there have been people who think monetising art makes you a ‘sell-out’ or that there are some people who devalue creative professions. I think the opposite. I think the creative arts are incredibly valuable, and that we need to support each other both emotionally and professionally. One of my personal ambitions is to share my love of art and creativity, and to make my business self-sustaining where I can create art as my full time profession.  

To my followers, readers and friends. Thank you so much for your continued support throughout the years. I would appreciate it if you would spread the news about my new website and online courses. 

Jess

I Published an e-book!

A few years I ago I started writing a story for an anthology based on Australian Fairy Tales. The theme was facinating and I decided to write mine based on a tale called “The Giant Who Had No Heart In Its Body”. I was really engaged and kept fleshing out the characters and the world. By this time I wrote beyond the word count and restrictions for the anthology, but decided to keep writing the story for myself.

Like many other writers, I would write, edit it, and put it away and work on other things, until I could resolve things and return to make make the story cleaner.

This project extended into animation as well. I’m a visual thinker, so I always draw when I write to help me visualise the characters and story. As this was happening, I wondered, What would this story look like as an animation? I played around designing different elements of the story.

Creating a full animated feature is incredibly expensive and time consuming. I felt that it would be unreasonable to make a secondary project bigger than the main project (writing), so I narrowed my scope into designing a trailer animation that captured key elements of the story and could serve to support the writing. From there, I drew some storyboards of interesting scenes from the book and arranged them into an animatic.

My friend Thandi, a professional journalist, came to visit me one day and did some voice recording for me. Not only is she one of the funnest people in the world, but Thandi is an incredible voice talent! I asked her to channel her inner ABC news reader and she knocked it out of the park and did a great recording in two takes.

After that, I drew casually. I saw this animated project as an experiment. I didn’t want to commit too much time and energy to it, yet I also wanted to get better at animating with more details. I experimented with shadows, lighting and time of day, paraellaxing and adding dimention to flat drawings, and experimenting with ‘glitch-y’ old tv aesthetics, which I’ve been incorporating into my still illustrations.

Some of the storyboards changed, others stayed the same. I stayed flexible to new ideas and adapting for better flow and timing.

Finishing the animation actually inspired me to look at the story again. In someways I can be a perfectionist. I realised that I can continue to edit and change this story for forever, or accept that it’s finished and release it into the world. With that I looked up e-publishing options.

I had perviously gone with self-publishing for physical books, but that cost over $13,000 at the time. I wasn’t happy with the previous publishing company and wanted a easier route. I’ve never done e-book publishing on my own before, but I figured that I’d give it a go and try. (as opposed to never trying). Long story short, I finally finished another story (yay!)

While hiking with her brothers, Jordan gets lost in the Australian bush, only to later discover that they were turned to stone by a Giantess. Aided by Timberland, a boy kept prisoner by the Giantess, the two search for the villainesses’ heart and the source of her power in order to revive her brothers. This Australian fantasy story is based on a the Scandinavian fairy tale, “The Giant Who Had No Heart in its Body”, which was included in a collection called “East of the Sun and West of the Moon, Old Tales from the North.”

The Giant’s heart

Here is the final animated trailer. Please have a look and tell me what you think.

Here are the links to e-book as well. I’d appreciate it if you could buy a copy and help get it ranked higher on the maket place. If you like it, please leave a review and let me know.

Other Videos –> WORK IN PROGRESS:

Here’s How To Support My Creative Projects Online

Watch the Review Video here

I made a ‘Buy Me A Coffee’ Page. You may ask, what is ‘Buy Me A Coffee‘?

It is a support payment platform where artists and creatives can be funded for their creative endevours. The term Buy Me A Coffee refeers to the fact that you can support your favourite creatives for as little as the cost of a coffee.

Buy me a coffee support page
CLICK to see the page

About a week ago I actually released a Patreon account, which I think is the most popular payment site for creatives. However, I don’t really like their model. Patreon is a subscription based website, meaning that you get direct debited every month, and on the other end, the creative feels obliged to create new types of services on a monthly basis. While that business model works for some people, I don’t think it works very well for me.

I’ve been a freelance artist since I was 14 years old, and have been creating commissions, merchandise and original content for years. For the time being, I am working on creating online art tutorial videos on youtube, illustrations, and have several large scale projects in the background. (More about them below).

Honestly, I’ve thought about this since 2014 and am actually very anxious about putting myself forward. I have receved many comments from people saying that they liked by work, but receving verbal apprasial is still different to financial support. I have made many campaigns in the past, and never released them to the public, because I was embarrised that nobody would sign up. Though I have the same anxieties, I’ve decided to be brave and put myself out anyway instead of hiding myself away like I used to be.

The large scale art projects have been going on for years, yet it is very difficult to get government art funding within Australia. Therefore, I’m open to crowd based funding to assist with the production of these projects.

There are two projects I have been working on.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
“The Great Wizard Phoenix”, photoshop, Jessica McLeod-Yu, 2019
  • 1) NOVEL – I have been writing the sequel to my first novel The Wish Bringer, called The Life and Death of the Great Wizard Phoenix. My first novel was an amazing achievement, especially since I published it at 21 years old. However, the publishing company I worked with was a really bad one. For this next novel, I really want to do a better job at finding legitimate support from the professional litterary world including editors, and alternate ways to publish and reach the right auidence. (The link above allows you to read snippets of the new book).
  • 2) ANIMATED FILM – I’ve been working on an independent animated film since 2017 about my experience walking The Camino de Santiago. The pre-production is completely finished (scripting, storyboarding, designing, budget, time management, etc…), and it was in the application process for being funded by Screen Australia for the last 3 years. It had been approved and gone though many approval rounds, but was let go because of lack of arts funding especially due to COVID-19. The intention was to use the funds to hire staff to assist with the production of the film. One of my greatist ambitions of this time is to finish this film! It has a lot of passion, and without tooting my own horn, I believe that it has the potential to be an award winning film.

While I am extremely confident in my art making skills and experience, I’m still learning how to be better at being a business person. Managing different social media presences, advertisting, reaching the right people who support my work, all while trying to make an honnest living is quite a challenge, and definitly skills that were not included in art school. Though, I am growing and learning every day, there is still much for me to learn as a professional artist.

My intention in the future is to create more information pages about the above projects, so that you can understand in more dept about what I’m doing, and ways you can support and be a part of the process.

Anyway, for time being, if you enjoy seeing my artwork and creative endevours, I would appreciate it greatly if you could donate, even if it’s the cost of a coffee. I am forever creating more and more things, because it is my true self and passion, and it gives me so much joy to be able to share my creative tallents with all of you! By having financial support, I can step closer to creating art full time with focus, as opposed to diverting my attention to other types of jobs for monetary support.

3 Ways to Use Models as Reference Animation & Comics

Drawing backgrounds and different angles are often challenges for artist, which include animators, storyboarders, comic artists and mangaka to name a few. I’ve come up with 3 easy ways to help and take your art to the next level. Using Dolls and Toys, Making Paper background Models, and Using Digital 3d software and games

This article is accompanied by a video tutorial:

Using Dolls and Toys

When wanting to draw characters from different angles, it’s useful to use posable dolls as reference. In the example below, I wanted to draw a cut where a knight was charging towards another knight on his horse. I also wanted the ‘camera’ to pan around the character as he ran to make the shot more dynamic. Drawing the charging scene itself is a challenge, because horses are difficult to draw for most people. However, drawing a camera pan really adds another layer of complexity to the design.

I got a posable Harry Potter doll and sat him upon a horse statue with a pencil in his hand, placed them on top of a Lazy Suzan turn table and took videos from different angles and positions. I then used a dragon shaped piggy bank over to the side as scale reference.

This is solution is extremely easy and cheap to re-create. I didn’t need reference for details, so it didn’t matter to me what kind of toy I used as long as I could move the limbs to the position I liked. Artists are known for using the wooden mannequins as pose reference. However, some toys have a lot more articulation and have the added benefits of coming with face, hair and clothes, which gives you more points of reference.

After that, I can import the footage to my computer and watch it in slow motion to study the poses. Depending on your artistic style, you can copy the poses in your own style, or draw directly over the videos and rotoscope it.

Making Paper background Models

When I was a little kid, I remember making paper doll houses with my cousin Stephie. The process was extremely easy, all you had to do was fold paper to make boxes and trays. This became the inspiration for the next process.

Drawing backgrounds to scale is a real skill. I’ve read plenty of books and know the formular of how to draw perspective, but let’s face it, drawing accurate perspective is BORING. Haha, (soz background artists :p). Here is another very easy way to create reference that you can use multiple times for backgrounds and settings.

In this example, I wanted to draw the inside cloister of a cathedral. The architecture is very repetitive in that there are arches, symmetrical windows and columns. While it is possible to copy photos and have a still background image, what if you want to walk down the halls or see the corridors from different perspectives? The answer is having a 3D model where you can go around it from all angles!

To do this, I went into photoshop and made an A4 canvas (the size of my printer paper), and on the long plane, I drew the basic shapes of the corridor. I drew an arch with symmetrical windows and columns and copy and pasted them next to each other. Using the ruler tool, I made rectangle and square shapes as guides. That way I could print out the shapes, cut along the dotted line and glue the parts together. I made several of these rectangular cuboids and placed them in the position I wanted. I placed the models on top of my cutting mat, which had a grid on it. Using the grid can be useful too because it shows the lines moving towards the Vanishing Point, which can be an extra point of reference. After that I used a Go-Pro type camera with a warped fish-eye lens to go down the corridors. (You can just as easily use your phone or webcam to do the same thing.)

In the same method above, you can export the footage to your computer and use the shots for reference by copying the footage or rotoscoping it.

BONUS TIP: If you want to draw a scene in different times of the day, or with special lighting, you can position desk lamps around your models and study the way light and shadow hits them.

Using Digital 3d software and games

This method is a bit more difficult, because it depends on having extra skills and computer software. If you know how to do it, you can create 3D models on a digital animation software and use that as reference. I personally, I can’t use 3D software, because I get motion sickness. Instead, I use the Sims 4 to help create scenarios. In the Sims you can create houses and buildings and have your Sim character perform actions like dancing or eating. You can either take screenshots or using a screen capture software, record what’s happening. This can be useful for everyday life scenarios. However, if you want something more complex, like a plane taking off, you wouldn’t be able to do that seeing as there are restrictions within the game. Though, if you are making a fantasy type story, you could always use a fantasy style 3D game as reference too.

WARNING: I’ve noticed that a lot of Webtoon/ webcomic artists have been using Google Sketch Up in their comics. However, instead of using it as reference, they have been tracing over the shape in such a precise way that the backgrounds end up looking very boring. I would suggest that you use these methods as guidelines, but to

How To Make a Portable RECORDING BOOTH – Studio VLOG

"Portable Recording Studio" Jessica McLeod-Yu, rocket child

I’ve been recording my own music and dialogue for years to go with my animations and videos. However, it’s always such a hastle getting all my equipment out and prepared, especially if I have to travel. This last year I decided to come up with a solution and build a PORTABLE MUSIC STUDIO inside of a briefcase. It’s a cheap, lightweight and professional way to record dialogue, music and sounds on the go, especially if I have to visit clients or friends. I’ve already tried it (as demonstrated in the video), and it works really well and takes away the hustle of setting up random bits of equipment.

It’s still a bit difficult to focus on performing, and recording documentary footage, which is why the guitar video bits don’t sync up. However, I have discovered the wonders of Adobe Character Animator and making my own character avatar, which has allowed me to playfully express myself, without having to be directly. I think it’s pretty cool.

(For those who wonder what I sound like singing… now you know.)

CLICK below to see the full video on How To Make a Portable RECORDING BOOTH – Studio VLOG.

If you ever make your own recording project inspired by this, please link it down in the comments.

ART & VIDEO:
Website: http://www.jess-mcl.com​
Youtube: @Rocket Child
https://www.youtube.com/c/RocketChild
Instagram: @rocket1111child
https://www.instagram.com/rocket1111child​
Facebook: @rocket1111child
https://www.facebook.com/rocket1111child

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MUSIC:
“December 1, 2020” – Jessica McLeod-Yu

A New Animated Music Video

For the last few months I’ve been working on a music video for a folk musician called SONiA disappear fear, and I am happy to be able to share it now.

I first met Terry, SONiA’s wife and manager, serendipitously last year at Sydney airport when I went to pick up my boyfriend, Edu, who came to visit me for Christmas. We chatted a bit in the arrival lounge about flights and arrival times, and learnt that she and SONiA were in Sydney to perform for some music festivals. I said that I was an animator and we exchanged details. A month or so later, I met up with SONiA and Terry again and we agreed to make some music videos together.

The first one being a trailer for SONiA’s new retrospective album, Love Out Loud, celebrating 30 years of her career.  From our conversations and listening to her musics, I learnt that SONiA was the first openly gay folk pop musician, in both her music and her lifestyle, (as opposed to artists who came out later on in their careers).  She has been a great advocate for LGBT+ rights and fair treatment of marginalised people. SONiA’s lyrics and songs are quite illustrative and are often drawn from her life experiences of being Jewish and owning and embracing her identity of being gay despite living in a society that doesn’t always approve.

Despite her demure appearance, I could tell that SONiA was a real bad ass, and I was incredibly impressed to meet someone who was so sincere and brave to not only live out her truth, but also be positive and kind enough to share those experiences in order to inspire others and create positive change in the world.

It was a lot of fun creating this album trailer. SONiA was supportive of my art style, and very generous about giving me free rein to experiment and design creative cuts, which was aided a lot by her colourful and illustrative lyrics.  While it was important for it to look good cohesively, I also had to navigate a delicate balance of highlighting each song’s message, while keeping the snippets short and fluid. Over all, I’m proud and pretty happy with the overall video.

Please check out the animation & making of videos below =)

 

 

How to Create an Animation Channel on Youtube

Rocket Child Youtube Channel Cover Art - Jessica McLeod-Yu

rocket child youtube cover art blog

A few months ago, I started creating Youtube videos. Previously, I only used my account as a viewer, or to upload little animations. However, I’ve been researching how some people have used their channels as their own private TV station in order to make video as their full time jobs. Curiously, I figured that I would give it a go, though I wasn’t sure what kind of videos I should make. 

In my research, I learnt that there is a Youtube Animation Community. However, the irony is, not all of them can actually animate, at least not in the same capacity that I can.  So what makes them so trendy online?

The way people are able to generate an income on Youtube, is often by ads. Every time you’re forced to watch another annoying ad on a video, the channel earns a percentage (a few cents). Therefore, with more views and subscribers, one is able to turn cents into dollars, to potentially thousands or millions.

I remember in 2009 when the kids at school watched “Charlie the Unicorn“. The story was ridiculous, however you could really see the time and work put in by the creator, Jason Steele. Yet, what happened between then and now to cause the qualities of videos produced online to change from animations to moving comic book style?

Footofaferret‘s explain the reason very clearly in his video about the History of Youtube Animators.  It turns out that the Youtube algorithm greatly affects the materials people make, and the ways that they do it. When the Rick Roll meme was popular, a lot people started creating misleading Click-bait videos, causing Youtube to change their rules. The website started to reward the creators who produced more longer videos with a greater view retention.  In other words, viewers who watch the whole video as opposed to clicking and leaving. 

This affected the animation community greatly.  From my own experience, an animated project can take months or longer to create off screen, such as the planning to the laborious task of production. Meaning that one could no longer upload an incredible 3 minute animation every few months and expect to earn. 

These new earning regulations caused the Youtube animation community to adapt and change their mode of production. In order to create more videos, the quality of animation was sacrificed with more emphasis on storytelling and anecdotes. sWooZie is probably the most notable ‘Youtube Animator’ (I’m using the term Youtube Animator to refer to this particular style of youtube videos as opposed to animators in general.) In this early video that he produced, sWooZie uses DeviantArt Muro (a free drawing software), and a video editing program, which I think is incredible seeing that Muro isn’t suited for animation at all. He then uses his expressive personality and storytelling to bring the piece to life.

Since then, many other people have jumped on board creating their own ‘storytelling animations’ for youtube. There are some mixed opinions about it. Some people really enjoy these types of videos, while others feel that it’s unfair that these people to get more recognition than more skilled animators.

For me, I don’t grudge these people for their online success. However, it does perplex me, since I am a traditional animator who likes to create quality hand drawn works.  It’s hard for me to judge what will work or not, since I am new to the Youtube scene… as a creator, as opposed to a viewer. So I figured that I’d just give things a go and see where it takes me.

As a way to learn how to produce quality videos faster, without disrupting my usual work flow, I’ve been creating Speed Drawing videos and Tutorials showing my work process.

As well as a drawn series about how I walked the Camino de Santiago while handling type 1 diabetes. The production for this is slower, since I’m hoping to find funding and support from relevant medical parties to help produce it. That being said, I have already heard feed back from some people saying that the discussed topics have been helpful and interesting. I really hope to continue creating more videos.

The benefits of using Youtube is that it is the 2nd biggest search engine in the world, meaning that as long as some one uses a search term relevant to your content, they can find your video, as oppose to Facebook or Instagram, which are formatted as feeds based on time relevance. (Meaning that your posts will get buried and lost.)

That being said, I don’t know anyone personally who is an experienced Youtube creator to ask for advice. The Youtube website itself doesn’t have an online forum neither, (that I know of), to ask for advice on how to expand my brand awareness and connect to more people. If anyone has any advice on growing an authentic audience, without paid promotions, I would greatly appreciate it.

For you, the reader; do you have a youtube channel or know someone who does? Let me know your thoughts below in the comment box.

Rocket Child Youtube Channel - Jessica McLeod-Yu

How I Became A Citizen Of The World

"How I Became A Citizen Of The World", Jessica McLeod-Yu

"How I Became A Citizen Of The World", Jessica McLeod-Yu

Following my previous articled About how my choice of hair colour responds to my personality, I felt inspired to write another article about a different aspect of myself: How I became a Citizen of the World.

I was born and raised in Sydney, Australia with English as my first language.  I have a very multicultural gene pool. My father is from China, and on my mother’s side, her father comes from an Australian, Scottish, Irish background, and her mother comes from Trinidad and Tobago in the Caribbean.  We don’t know the much of our family tree on that side. However, Trinidad has a diverse immigration history with mixes from the native people, African slaves, and the Spanish, French and British colonialists. It’s hard to really say what mix I’m made of.  Playfully, I call myself a ‘Whatever’.

When I was younger, I found it hard to fit.  I was proud of who I was and for being so unique, yet many Australians didn’t believe that I was Australian, nor could they believe that I was born here.  Australia has an incredible number of multicultural citizens, and immigrants. However, I don’t think the people were used to having a single person with so much genetic variety, and with that, I felt lost.  I was Australian, yet I didn’t fit in completely.

I remember in high school we had a small homework task to write a report on belonging.  Though it was an easy task in theory, I felt crippled.  I didn’t feel that I belonged, and I was ashamed to admit it.

When I was 14 years old, I started studying Japanese as my compulsory language class. I had always loved Anime and thought that learning the language would let me be able to watch anime without subtitles.  I loved my classes.  The Japanese language was hard to learn, yet it was so different and exotic.  Everything was completely new and so much fun to learn.  As the years went on, I became determined to visit Japan.

When I was 16, I went on my first 2-week overseas exchange trip.  It was a life changing experience for me, and the moment when I caught the incurable Travel Bug.  I can’t begin to describe the joy and wonder I felt learning about the culture of Japan, but most importantly, I found myself in the company of a group of international exchange students. For once, it was ok for me not to be categorized as a specific nationality.  Instead, we were all International and Citizens of The World.  It was outside of Australia that I felt… Australian.

From that trip, I met my first international friend. Eliza was from Canada and we kept in contact as email pen pals for the next few years, and in time, my international friendship circle would grew.

I had always had a longing that I belonged ‘somewhere else’.  I would follow the stars at night and feel home sick for a place that I’d never been.  I was determined to explore the world and find the place where I belonged. Since then, I went back and studied in Japan, France, Italy and Spain to name a few places, where I met so many wonderful people, who would become a part of my life.  It was like a became a different person when I was abroad.  My soul soars when I travel, and I feel a great power and sincerity to connect with others.  Just the idea of it makes me feel so elated to learn of new cultures and to make friends and speak to them in their own languages.

IMG_7327

I’ve come to understand that there is no one ‘place’ where I belong, nor one particular nation that calls to me.  Instead, my heart sings when I connect to all the places that I go.  It is within this international community that I feel comfortable and accepted to embrace and express the multiculturalism within me.  In fact, I consider all of these experiences to add to me and my identity, instead of just identifying with the genetic heritages that I was born with.  I feel that there is a level of importance and kinship that is born through my selection and assimilation from meeting people and experiencing their lives, and with that, I’ve become more.

I call myself an artist and I believe that the arts have a power to emote, question and connect with people beyond borders.  I have always had this desire to connect to the world.  I want to inspire and help people and leave the world better than when I arrived here on this planet.  This is a vocation and personality trait that I have within myself, yet I wasn’t sure what work opportunities exist that would allow me to pursue this path.

This coming year I will be going to the Australian National University in Canberra to study a Master in International Relations.  This will be a new experience for me, but I feel inspired.  My new dream is that I would like to use the skills and knowledge of my artmaking as a vehicle to communicate concepts, ideas and influence on a boarder international scale for the benefit of others.

How Does One’s Hair Affect Their Personality?

Jessica McLeod-Yu

"I am who I am", Photoshop, Jessica McLeod-Yu, 2019

I just wanna be myself
And I want you to love me for who I am
I just wanna be myself
And I want you to know, I am my hair

Lady Gaga

My name is Jessica. I am an artist, storyteller and animator.  I take inspiration from street art, nature, architecture and fairy tales.  My artistic aesthetic is bold, colourful and full of zeal and vitality. Its eye catching, engaging and fresh.  I am so incredibly passionate about expressing myself that it goes beyond the canvas and into my how I dress, and the way I choose to live.

Those who know me will recognise my Blue and Pink hair.  It’s part of my brand and how I choose to represent myself.  It’s such a playful and distinct way to represent myself and make myself memorable when meeting people.  It gives me a lot of joy to express outside, how I feel on the inside.

I’ve always been a tomboy and I’m fit and athletic.  When it comes to clothes, l prefer to wear clothes that are comfortable and sporty and choosing what I like from the Male and Female sections, as opposed to being limited in my gender.

From a young age I noticed that some people judge how one looks without really knowing nor understanding the person, especially towards gender stereotypes.  On occasions when I dressed up ‘fancy’ I noticed some boys would treat me better because I was pretty yet treat others who weren’t as dolled up badly, and on the other hand that some girls would get jealous towards me and treat me badly.  I always wanted to show my worth though my personality and that which I do.  Yet, I found this insincerity disturbing. How these people would behave differently towards me, and others, based on whether they thought we were attractive or not.  Therefore, I found that dressing in a more casual androgynous way allowed me to get to know people better, and to learn whether we liked each other or not based on our personalities and abilities, without the burdens of attraction or jealousy interfering.  Human beings are fascinating creatures.

I feel as though there are contradictions within society.  Now more than ever there are more options for online shopping, and greater varieties of clothing designs, and the opportunities to express one’s self through social media.  There is a greater push and trend to express one’s self, yet at same time I find that the opposite exists.  Stand out, fit in.  Look unique but follow the dress code.  There’s a fear to keep up impressions, to get more likes online.  Then, there’s the fear of being judged for standing out and being the nail that gets hammered down.

It’s such a confusing world for me, and I often find it hard to know where I fit in.

I think a lot of women feel pressure to wear makeup in their lives, and even feel ashamed to go out in public without it.  Or they feel pressured to dress up and be sexy and wear uncomfortable shoes.

I like dressing up everyone once in a while, and I like wearing costumes.  However, I don’t like that it’s an expectation for some people.  This is the face that I was born with.  Even if I was ugly, I feel as though I should be able to go out in public with the face that I have, because that’s the way I am.

I like being different, and like the choices that I’ve made for my personal appearance.  Yet, I still feel the pressure sometimes.  Sometimes I wonder if I get disqualified from job interviews for dressing in a non-conforming way.  I don’t know.  I get anxious when I think about it.  I can’t change myself.  I am who I am, and I can’t pretend to be ‘normal’ or like everyone else, because I am not.  So much of who I am is driven by the desire and will to change the constrains that exist within society that people assume to be ‘normal’.

I sometimes wonder, what would happen if I dyed my hair black again, or dressed differently?  I would still be the same person on the inside, wouldn’t I?

The truth is, I love being who I am, and having the courage to express myself though my own style and artistic creativity.  I think it’s a beautiful thing where one is able to be themselves and to be the change they want to see, and to inspire others by showing that it’s Ok for them to be them.  What I would truly appreciate the most in the world, is finding a place where I have the freedom to be me.

Writing this reminds me of Lady Gaga’s song: “Hair”, I think it’s a good example of how something so cosmetic as their hair can represent so much of who they are as a person.